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Posted:
EndlessMidnight Writer in Training
Joined: 08 Nov 2008
Posts: 16
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 4:51 pm
A Heart's Cry
Calm you mind
Slow your breath
Pray that the pain will soon subside
Eyes closed to the world
Never to see
The beauty hidden within a soft goodbye
Taken for granted
Every smile or warm embrace
Each kiss lined with a feeling of ecstasy
Never to be felt again
But destined to stay with us always
Love will shape you
Guide you when lost
But don't be fooled
For there are fraudulent words
Lapped up by the longing heart
When blinded by desire
The untrue speak
Only to deceive
Toying with emotion
Hoping to break you
But with time
All lies will cease
Pain felt will lessen
And love will triumph
Restoring hope _________________ Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas.
~EndlessMidnight~
poggles The Sparkle Princess
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1361
Location: Australia
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 6:33 pm
I like it. It sort of changes tone in the 3rd stanza, switching from personal to general.. I'm not sure I like that aspect, but I like the rest of it a lot.
I also really like the last two lines,
Quote:
And love will triumph
Restoring hope
_________________ "It's waiting for me... Here I am!"
I bet you can't beat my brute
OEHFICE Editor-in-Chief
Joined: 09 Sep 2006
Posts: 1169
Location: Soccerland
Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 11:17 pm
Amazingness. The emotion and hurt is all there in the beginning, but I love how it ends on a positive note.
I also agree with Anna on the first three lines of the third stanza, but that can be ignored cause this poem was just too good.
Thanks for joining and Welcome to the site. _________________ "Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor." - Proverbs 21:21
EndlessMidnight Writer in Training
Joined: 08 Nov 2008
Posts: 16
Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 11:56 pm
Thanks so much for the input you guys :^) _________________ Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas.
~EndlessMidnight~
Blind Crow Co-Editor-in-Chief
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 794
Location: WV
Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:22 pm
I liked this. It was so sad at the beginning. I don't know what it is about me, but lately I prefer sad endings to happy endings. So I'm not as excited about the happy ending as the other two, but I will agree this was a very well written poem.
The second stanza was my personal favorite. It really captures the idea of loss for me. I'm don't know . . . it's nice.
_________________ I'll walk hand and hand with my faith, step for step with my beliefs, and never fear the path unknown.
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