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Posted:
EndlessMidnight Writer in Training
Joined: 08 Nov 2008
Posts: 16
Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 6:52 pm
My Fortress
Hot tears sting the eyes of the broken
While the haunted heart
Graces the souls of those
Mangled by life's battles
Self-preservation keeps me safe
From the cold world
In which I so reluctantly walk through
Wondering when the strong fortress
I have built will be knocked down
By someone
Who will so easily rescue me
From the tainted thoughts
That have long been
My sole companion _________________ Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas.
~EndlessMidnight~
poggles The Sparkle Princess
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1361
Location: Australia
Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:08 pm
It sounds lonely,
my only issue is this line:
Quote:
In which I so reluctantly walk through
I think it should read either "Which I so reluctantly walk through" or "In which I so reluctantly walk".
_________________ "It's waiting for me... Here I am!"
I bet you can't beat my brute
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